NL West Preview

Yeah, it's time again. The Baseball season is ALREADY FUCKING HERE, so we're previewing the whole shebangs the only way we know how: by making shit up. Today is the NL West, God's division of choice. Don't believe that? Then go ahead and explain the last month of the 2007 season. Go ahead. I'm waiting, taintmoth.

San Diego Padres-- Ok, so, three division previews, three blatant acts of homerism. Do I care that I can say I could hit seventh for this team, and almost totally mean it? No. Do I really believe the Friars will finish ahead of the D(ouche)Backs? No. But I'm typing this thing, and this is what it says. But it will happen. Jake Peavy will use his three-year, $52 million extension as ammunition. Literally. The southern boy will bring an old-style musket to games and shoot down opponents with wads of $5 bills. Mark Prior will make about 10 or 15 starts, and, surprisingly, his arm will not turn into Bisquick. When Khalil Greene starts to bleed after taking a spike to the shin in August, everyone will realize that he's not a robot, and this knowledge will bolster the team and shoot them to the top (a .254 team average and league-low home run totals notwithstanding). Record: 93-69, NLCS losers.

Arizona Diamondbacks-- Randy Johnson has clearly sold his soul to the devil. It's the only possible explanation. The man is 44 and has reportedly been throwing smoke in camp. He also listens to heavy metal and plays the drums. Heretic! Late in the season, to get a boost, Johnson will feast on the flesh of some of the D-Backs' younger players. First he'll entice Stephen Drew into an empty trainers' room with a Maxim and a Ribwich. There he'll sever his carotid artery with a boxcutter and slurp the blood like a Chianti. Then, when Chris Young enters to investigate, Johnson will club him over the head with a bat and eagerly lap up the goo inside. Then he'll go out and no-hit the Giants. Record: 91-71, NLDS losers.

Los Angeles Dodgers-- Joe Torre. What more can you say for the guy? Other than the fact that he's got a 894-1003 record (.471 winning percentage) when he pilots non-Yankees teams that don't hemorrhage money out their ass? Umm ... not much, I guess. He manages people well, right? Well, isn't that the name OF THE FUCKING JOB? We'll see how stoic ol' Joe looks when Andruw Jones waddles up to yet another ducksnort bloop hit in shallow center, then follows it up at bat with a lazy fly ball to left. I don't even have anything bad to say about Nomar. I hope he can hit at least one more home run, so he can feel his cleat hit that thick rubber at home, then give hi-fives to his teammates before spontaneously combusting. God I hate this team. I will personally give $20 and a few month-old Playboys to the first earthquake to swallow these blue-clad fucknuts up. Record: 86-76, no playoffs.

Colorado Rockies-- Ahh, the feel-good hit of the summer. Or, one that involves baseball and not a badass bass-driven song about copious amounts of awesome drugs. Too bad that shit ain't happening twice. When Jeff Francis falls back to Earth at the tune of about 13-11 with a 5.13 ERA and a WHIP of who-knows-what, the Rockies will decide divine intervention is needed - again - ... and sign Pope Benedict XVI to a two-year, $12 million deal. Aside from a mid-90s heater and a nasty slider, PB-16 features a surprisingly lively stick, becoming a poor man's Micah Owings. It's not enough, though, as Matt Holliday succumbs to a late-season bout of mono after hanging out with LaDainian Tomlinson and Hope Solo while making another pretentious, snarky, "We can be funny, too, if you disregard our terrible past of making women and children work for next to nothing in sweatshops overseas! No, seriously, French Toast! That's so random it's hilarious!" Nike commercials. Troy Tulowitzki continues to be the best and most-clutch athlete in American pro sports with a last name that ends in "owitzki," however. Record: 85-77, no playoffs.

San Francisco Giants-- Realizing he's made a mockery of, in order: 1) working-class America 2) the institution of baseball 3) every other pitcher in the big leagues 4) the hitters he pitches against 5) every pitcher who had ever pitched in the big leagues, the minor leagues, college, and high school 6) capitalism 7) the Giants' front office and, finally, 8) the Giants' fans, Barry Zito formally apologizes for signing the most absurd deal in history, grabs his acoustic guitar and a surfboard, and hitchhikes down to Malibu. Feeling unburdened, the Giants then give Barry Bonds a prorated contract for the rest of 2008 worth roughly $19 million. His back zits proceed to drive in more runs than the entire lineup. Record: 158-4 ... wait, this isn't the AARP league? It's the National League? Of MLB? Oh, then ... 69-93. Bingo!

Phony Gwynn Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:33:00 PDT

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Source: http://andherecomethepretzels.blogspot.com/2008/03/nl-west-preview.html
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Robot Arm Install Highlights Shuttle Mission

Dextre Transferred To ISS Space Station Successfully

Cape Canaveral, Florida- Another shuttle mission has ended, this time a record-breaking mission of 16 days.

The Shuttle Endeavor accomplished many tasks during its stay at the International Space Station including the installation of a highly anticipated new robotic arm. The arm manufactured and designed by ISS partner and ally Canada is named Dextre.

The new robotic Dextre arm promises to assist in moving large objects on the International Space Station from the safety of the ISS cabin, without having to venture out on dangerous space walks.

The robot is a 3,400 pound, 12 foot long huge item, but could be installed without a lot of fuss. Over the next year the robot arm will be gradually ran through its paces, and it promises to fill a huge need on the International Space Station.

The Shuttle Endeavor touched town safely at 8:40pm in a rare nighttime landing at the Kennedy Space Center. The mission accomplished a number of objectives besides the installation of the robotic Dextre arm. A Japanese laboratory was installed, as well as a number of other mission objectives.

This shuttle trip to the International Space Station is the longest at 16 days since the construction of the ISS began. There were five spacewalks completed during the mission. "The Space Station is an international effort, we now have a world based space flight program in cooperation here at the International Space Station," said Dr. Michael Griffin.

Dr. Michael Griffin is the head administrator for NASA.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:22:37 PDT

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Source: http://www.eontarionow.com/technology/2008/03/27/robot-arm-install-highlights-shuttle-mission/
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Military Adapts Wiimote for Remote Bomb Disposal

To combat the scourge of improvised explosive devices, the U.S. military has been hard at work adapting Nintendo's Wiimote for use in a new explosives-disposal robot, reports Metro.co.uk.

The vehicle, dubbed "Packbot," is capable of remotely defusing and disposing of bombs and mines, as well as toting a high-powered machine gun to deal with any unforeseen threats.

Scientists at the U.S. Department of Energy cite the Wiimote's "instinctive" controls as the impetus behind their new military use, adding that the new control scheme allows "users to focus on data processing" instead of steering a cumbersome robot.

This isn't the first time the military has adapted gaming tech for use on the battlefield; last year it was reported that military scientists had adapted an Xbox controller to steer the Crusher attack robot.

Wii controls to defuse bombs [Metro.co.uk, via Kotaku]

Image courtesy iRobot Corporation

Earnest Cavalli Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:32:17 PDT

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Jet Set Radio - Still tastes great after all these years

I re-plugged my Dreamcast after many years of being abandoned at my studio. Actually, it wasn't abandoned: many of the guys at Powerful Robot took it home to give it a try.
The first CD (actually, GD-ROM) that I popped in was, of course, Jet Set Radio (known as Jet Grind Radio in the States). Sadly, the copy was so badly scratched that it would not run. I had to settle for the also excellent Space Channel 5.
I downloaded a torrent with JSR and, after a little tinkering, I was able to run it on the console (the original copy may now be a coaster, but it's one of the coolest coasters in my house). What a great game! The gameplay is good (a bit tricky to pull out some stunts) but the visuals and sound are still among the most impressive and distinctive to be found in videogames. Cell-shading may be commonplace, but JSR's visual choices (mainly the color palette and character design) have yet to be matched.
One of the things that keeps surprising me every time that I play old games is that I seem to master them much faster than before. I reached the 5th level in JSR after a couple of hours... that took me a couple of days when I first played the game. And this is not just because I mastered the game previously, since I have been able to easily win games that I abandoned years ago because they seemed too difficult at the time. The obvious answer is that we do improve our learning on how to play videogames and that shows after a certain time. A clear example is Space Channel 5 (SC5). I've never been too good with rhythm games and I certainly had real trouble with this game, mainly because it doesn't provide visual clues like more recent rhythm games. However, my sense of rhythm must have improved after countless hours of DDR and Guitar Hero, because I was able to beat SC5's levels that I never reached before... on my first try.
In any case, the curious thing is that the Dreamcast did not make me nostalgic. Its better games have not aged at all. Certainly, there are fewer polygons but that was made up by the excellent character development (Professor K, Beat, Ulala, Seaman). Since games are generally reviewed rather than criticized, JSR did not become a milestone in game development because, except for being the first successful cell-shaded game. However, I would argue that it's one of the few games that combines insanely great graphics and sound and a very good (but not excellent) gameplay. As such, it creates an experience that is worth replaying eight years after it was created, not just by nostalgic SEGA fans, but by gamers in general.
I was going to write that "unfortunately", Jet Set Radio Future's lack of success in the XBox platform killed the franchise. On the other hand, sometimes it may be better for a game not to be rehashed over and over. In any case, JSR is an aesthetic masterpiece that still provides a very rewarding gameplay experience.

Gonzalo Frasca Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:02:16 PDT

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Source: http://www.ludology.org/2008/03/jet-set-radio-.html
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EMILIO WOULD BE PROUD

Ever have one of those days when you're just feeling evil? I don't mean in a foul mood or just generally pissed off, I'm talking about EVIL. Fuckin' EE-VILL! Purenteed "gonna build me a death-ray and melt a Klingon language camp" kind of evil! And on those days you want to be dressed in the height of sartorial elegance that declares to the world you aim to conquer just what sort of horrifying entity you are. But where to turn to for such apparel?

Not long ago I was having a day at the design gulag that required I put on my THUNDERBALL soundtrack and pretend I was Emilio Largo, not only the number two man in the infamous (fictional) crime cartel SPECTRE, but also the single coolest opponent James Bond ever faced.

Adolfo Celi as Emilio Largo, the most pimp-a-licious of 007's foes.

Suave in that way possessed only by old school Italians, Largo simply emanated both power and snobbish malevolence, and you just knew that the only reason Bond overcame his schemes was because some hack writer rewrote the real outcome (in case you didn't know, James Bond movies are based-on-true-life docudramas that bring to life declassified cases from the files of MI-6, accurate down to the most minute detail). Whenever I see THUNDERBALL (1965) I tend to root for Largo just because he's such a balls-out pimp of a dude. Go ahead and call it a man-crush, I do not care.

As I sat at my workspace (it sure as hell can't be dignified with the term "desk") I decided I needed a t-shirt with the emblem of SPECTRE — the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion — emblazoned across it, an item that would speak for me when I was too evil to be approached. So I searched the internet and found the wonderful t-shirt (and other stuff) site November Fire , a welcome repository of black shirts with all manner of horror/evil-related images. These guys had just the shirt I wanted:


Overjoyed, I decided to buy it, and the shirt in question arrived in my hands yesterday. Great quality material, a top-notch screen print on the front, a price considerably cheaper than if I'd purchased it here in the Big Apple...Yer Bunche was most pleased (although I would have left the actual name off of the shirt to keep people guessing, but that's just me). And the shirt came with an unexpected bonus, namely the company's catalog. I spent about an hour poring over its contents, and could easily blow about three-hundred bucks on many of the shirts and crazy belt buckles found within its pages. Check out their site for yourself, but I had to show you my two faves from their collection. For sheer geekery fused with coolness, this one's hard to beat:

And for us older fans of horror movies who are of an age to remember the days of "horror hosts," this shirt is indispensable:

Of all the people who influenced my love of macabre motion pictures, no one had a greater impact than Bob Wilkins, the late host of the Californian version of the venerable CREATURE FEATURES franchise. I have not seen a Bob Wilkins show since 1972, but I remember him like it was yesterday. Good teachers are hard to find, and Bob was a great teacher, so whoever thought to honor him with a t-shirt, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now 'scuse me while I head out to convert the Statue of Liberty into a giant robot (with laser-firing titties) and use it to hold the East Coast for ransom to the tune of... $360, including postage & handling! And a sixer of Sapporo!

Yer Bunche, about to embark on my new career as a card-carrying megalomaniac.

I'll be courting investors and taking applications for henchmen, "hitters," Kirby-style tech wizards, and the all important concubine squad, so write in with your suggestions and qualifications today (picture preferred).

I like to think Emilio would be proud.

Bunche Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:48:00 PDT

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Source: http://buncheness.blogspot.com/2008/03/emilio-would-be-proud.html
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Robot hat

Robot hat. Heres my first!

donblogs05 Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:22:00 PDT

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Movie Notes: Transformers

= 2 stars

Starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro
Directed by Michael Bay

Synopsis

Extraterrestrial robots voyage to Earth to recover a powerful alien artifact. They initially masquerade as common human vehicles until all-out war ensues. Teenagers Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) are inadvertently caught up in the conflict, which involves the military and government.

The Good

• CGI technology realizes some impressive robot transformations.
• Chock full of awesome stuff - for those under fifteen. Endless car chases, stupid adults, hot babes (Megan Fox should be illegal in some states), zillions of explosions, and base humor.
• Shia LaBeouf is surprisingly decent, displaying a comedic streak during times of danger, which will surely be useful for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The Bad

• The story became increasingly ridiculous to where I had little idea what was going on, yet it didn't seem to matter.
• Michael Bay's direction continues to annoy me - the camera is always moving, he cuts way too often, and everyone must scream to be heard over the throbbing surround sound.
• The really cool battle between Autobots and Decepticons doesn't arrive until the film is nearly through.
• Wince-inducing humor. Mom suspects Sam is masturbating and then confesses she had a little too much to drink. The greatest computer hacker in the world is a virgin. The government agent (John Tuturro) takes off his suit to reveal corny underwear. What fraternity wrote this script?
• Optimus Prime and Megatron should be the main characters, but they're supports for the teenage stuff.

Conclusion

As a rental it was okay, but I'm glad I didn't see it in the theater. This is coming from a child of the eighties whose younger brothers collected them - I think there's a laundry basket full of the things back home. Today, the action over dose of Transformers just gave me a headache.

IMBD: Transformers
Wikipedia: Transformers
Rotten Tomatoes: Transformers 57%

This is a post from: Webomatica

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:24:58 PDT

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Endeavour Returns Safely; Jules Verne Approaches Space Station

As the space shuttle Endeavour touched down safely on the tarmac at Cape Canaveral last night, NASA was telling the media about plans to broadcast the approach and docking of the newest vehicle to work with the International Space Station (ISS), the Jules Verne Automated Transfer Vehicle (ATV). Wrapping up an intensive 16-day mission to the ISS, Commander Dominic Gorie (Capt, USN) aimed the Endeavour orbiter toward the Kennedy Space Center from the other side of North America and hit its landing strip on schedule, following a short delay for clouds to clear. The flight of the STS-123 mission taxed its crew with the delivery of two vital components to the bulging space station: the first component of the Japanese Experiment Module known as the Kibo and the Canadian Special Purpose Dexterous Manipulator known as the Dextre robot (please see our prior entry "Work Finished, Space Shuttle Heads for Home"). In the meantime, the new Jules Verne ATV, launched on 9 March 2008 on a mission to deliver supplies to the ISS and help boost the orbital platform to a higher altitude, began its long docking approach. The unmanned cargo vessel is on a proof-of-concept flight to test its automated systems, designed by the European Space Agency. NASA-TV will provide live coverage of the vehicle's test approach to the ISS on 31 March at 10:00 am EDST and docking maneuver on 3 April at 10:40 EDST. According to an item from United Press International, the Jules Verne will remain at the space station until early August, when it will undock and burn up after entering the Earth's atmosphere (please see our entry "Two Spacecraft Prepare for Space Station Meetings").

Kieron Murphy Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:23:03 PDT

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Source: http://blogs.spectrum.ieee.org/tech_talk/2008/03/endeavour_returns_safely_jules.html
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Massive Kid Robot Chump Series

The Massive Kid Robot Chump series figures have hit shop Overkill. The series features such characters as a pig and a rabbit.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:31:36 PDT

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First Pictures of Completed Dextre Giant Space Robot

After three space walks, Dextre—the robot that will now service the International Space Station—has been completed today, and is now ready for activation. I was watching it live on NASA TV and grabbed these shots (yes, I am that sad) of the gigantastic fully-assembled $209 million space spider.

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Gecko's 'Active' Tail Key To New Future Technology

Biologists report that geckos rely on their tails to keep from falling off vertical surfaces and, if they do fall, to right themselves in midair and maneuver like a skydiver gliding to a safe landing. The research leads to unexpected applications - new climbing and gliding robots, highly maneuverable unmanned aerial vehicles and

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Man Shot Dead by Killer Robot He Built With His Own Hands

AN 81-year-old man has used an intricate suicide machine to remotely shoot himself, after downloading the plans from the internet. He spent hours searching the internet for a way to kill himself, downloaded what he needed and then built a complex machine that would remotely fire a gun.

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